那一年，我差点沦为妓女
原 著：胡安•鲁尔福
西译英：伊兰•史塔芬斯
改 编：依鹄
这里的一切越来越糟糕了。上周，雅辛塔阿姨去世了。周六那天，我们刚埋葬了她，悲痛的心情都还没来得及过去，雨便像疯了似地一直在下。父亲为此而心烦不已，因为我们全部的大麦收成此刻都堆在温室里晾晒。这场大雨来得很急，雨水滂沱而下，以致于我们连收一把大麦的时间都没有；家中各人现在能做的惟一一件事，便是蜷缩在棚屋里，眼睁睁地看着冰冷的雨水从天而降，把我们刚收下来黄澄澄的大麦打个粉碎。
我叫塔茶，昨天是我12岁的生日，就在这一天，大家发现我的母牛被河水卷走了。这头母牛，是父亲在我圣名日那天送给我的。
三天前的半夜里，河水已然开始上涨。那天我虽然睡得很沉，可还是让轰隆隆的响声给吵醒了。当时，我以为屋顶就要塌了，于是一手抓起衣服就从床上跳下来。但很快我便意识到，这不过是河水声，这声音听着听着就容易令人昏昏欲睡，于是后来我又睡着了。
当我再次起来的时候，清晨的天空已是彤云密布，所有的迹象都表明，这场雨一直都没有停过。河流传来的响声比以往都要大，都要近。你甚至可以闻到一股焦臭的味道，其实这是浑浊河水的腐臭味。
我出门时，河水已经泛过了堤岸，而且正逐渐向镇上的大街漫去。很快，河水便涌进了一个名叫坦博拉的女人的房子。随着一阵哗哗的水声传来，河水涌进了畜栏，然后分成几道大水冲破了栅门。坦博拉在河水旁来回地跑，把养的母鸡都放到街上，以便它们可以躲起来，不被水流冲走，但她自己却因此而成了河水的一部分。
在另一边，河湾处，一定也被河水冲刷过，天知道是在什么时候发生的事，但以前在雅辛塔阿姨的温室里，是有一棵罗望子树的，可现在那里已经没有什么罗望子树了。这是镇上惟一的一棵罗望子，现在连它都没了，也难怪人们认为这是这么多年来所达到的最高水位。
下午的时候，我和哥哥回头去看河水的情况，只见它不断地变得越来越深，越来越暗，甚至已经漫过了桥面。我们在那里呆了一个又一个小时，对身旁的一切一点也不觉得厌倦。后来，我们爬上了河边的山坡，因为我们想听听大家都在说些什么，在山坡下，河边那里，水声太大了，你只能看到嘴巴在一张一合，知道别人肯定是在说着些什么；但一个字你也别想听到。因此，我们爬上了河边的山坡，那是大家观察河流和估算损失的地方。就在那里，我们发现河水把“大蛇”冲走了，那是我的母牛，是父亲送给我的生日礼物，它长着一只白耳朵一只红耳朵，还有一双美丽的眼睛。
我不是很明白，为什么“大蛇”要过河，她明明知道这条河跟她平时过的那条是不一样的。“大蛇”不该笨成这样的呀。竟然笨到做出这种自杀般的行为，惟一的解释就是她在梦游。平时，多半都是由哥哥叫醒她，由哥哥打开牛栏的门放她出去的。要是哥哥没这样做的话，她就会一整天都呆在里面，闭着眼睛，一动也不动地打着鼻响，母牛睡觉时总是会打鼻响的。
一定是出了什么事，以致于她一直睡着。可能她醒来时，发现大水已经漫到了自己的腰间。可能这吓坏了她，她也已打算往回走，但当她转身的时候，却被缠住了，在这条湍急、幽暗、泥泞的河流里无法动弹了。可能她也曾大声咆哮呼救过。可惜只有上帝听到了她的咆哮。
哥哥找到那个看见母牛被冲到下游的人，问他是否有看见一条小牛跟在母牛的身后。但那人说，他不确定是否有看到小牛。他说来说去，都是说那头满身泥泞的母牛四蹄朝天般在离他很近的地方冲过，接着在水里打了一个滚，然后就连角、连蹄、连母牛身上的任何一块都完全看不到了。此外，河面上还漂着大量的树干，都是连根拔起的。而他又忙于拾柴，所以没留意有没有动物或树干被冲走。
因此，我们不知道小牛现在究竟是活着，还是跟着他妈妈游到了河里。要是他跟着自己妈妈的话，但愿上帝可以保佑他俩。
家里现在的问题在于接下来会发生什么事，毕竟我已经一无所有了。当年，“大蛇”还只是一头小牛，买她成了父亲的第一要务，为此，父亲付出了很多。毕竟有了她，我也算是有了一点本钱，就不用跑到外面，像我那两个姐姐那样去当妓女了。
根据父亲所言，我那两个姐姐之所以走错了路，都是怪我们家太穷，穷到无法翻身的缘故。她们自小就顶撞父亲。长大后，更是开始与一些坏到透的男人鬼混，而这些男人亦教会了她们各式各样的恶习。她们很快便学坏了，一到晚上就无时无刻地在等男人吹口哨打暗号。后来，她们干脆夜不归宿。有时，大家以为她们去河边打水，但没料到她们却留在畜栏里。她们赤身裸体，在地上扭来扭去，两人的身上，都分别骑着一个男人。
最后，父亲把她们逐出了家门。父亲已经尽可能忍受她们的所作所为，但终于还是忍无可忍，他还是赶了她们出门。我不知道她们在离开家后究竟是去了阿尤特拉还是去了别的地方；我只知道，她们现在当了妓女。
父亲害怕我会跟两个姐姐那样走上同一条不归路，害怕有一天我会感受到失去母牛所带来的穷窘；害怕有一天我会意识到现在已经没有什么本钱可以让我长大后嫁个体面并且永远爱我的男人。现在，我的前路已是满布荆棘。要是我的母牛还在的话，那一切都会变得不一样。到时候肯定会有人鼓起勇气来娶我的，前提是那头美丽得很的母牛还在。
我们惟一的希望就是小牛仍然还活着。兴许他并没有打算跟在自己的妈妈后面游过河去。因为要是他这样做了的话，我也许就会因此而沦落风尘。而我母亲并不希望发生这样的事。
母亲不明白，为什么上帝要让这些女儿来折磨她，在她的家族里，打从我所知道的外祖母算起，从来就没出过一个坏人。家里的每个人都对上帝心存敬畏，事事遵从，也从不与他人结怨。每个人都是这样。天知道她的两个女儿怎么就染上这等恶习了呢？她想不通。她想破了脑袋也想不明白，究竟自己做错了什么，作了什么孽，让她接二连三地生出一个个不争气的女儿来。她想不通。每次想起她们时，母亲都会哭着叨念道：“愿上帝保佑她们。”
而父亲则认为，过去的事已经没有挽回的余地。现在惟一需要担心的，是还在身边的女儿，也就是我。我现在正一天天地发育，胸部的曲线越来越明显，将来一定会像我那两个姐姐的一样：挺拔、火辣而引人注目。
“肯定会这样，”他说，“无论她走到哪里，都会有男人盯着她的。不会有好结果的；我现在已经可以想像得出不会有好结果的。”
这就是我父亲所担心的事。
我哭了，因为我知道自己的母牛再也不会回到身边来了，它已经死在河里了。我穿着那身粉红色的衣服，此刻就在哥哥身旁，就在岸边山坡的最高处，望着河流，哭个不停。一道道浑浊的泪水从哥哥脸上淌下，仿佛我的眼睛里也有这样的一条河。
哥哥用双臂搂住我，想安抚一下我，可我还是那般难过。我哭得更凶了。一道呜咽的声音从我嘴里传了出来，听起来就像席卷两岸的风声一般。正是这种风声，使我颤个不停，令我浑身上下不寒而栗。一个浪涌过来，带有腐臭的河水溅到我满是泪水的脸上，留下了一个个泥斑。只见我那对小淑乳一起一伏，抽咽不停，仿佛一下子丰满了起来，成了一对将我进一步带往沉沦之路的豪乳。
就在这时，父亲走了过来。他显得憔悴而虚弱，仿佛一阵风就能把他刮倒，但他的眼神很坚定，似乎作出了什么重大的决定一般。
“塔茶，我现在已经没有什么可留给你的了，但你要知道，尽管努力过后仍然还是会吃不饱、穿不暖，但要成为一个怎样的人最终还是取决于你自己。”
不久后，父亲和母亲就因积劳成疾相继去世了。眨眼间，这件事便过去了将近十年。在最艰难的日子里，多亏了邻居安东尼奥的资助，更多亏了父亲的话。虽然现在粗茶淡饭，但我总算没沦为妓女，我深以我的两个姐姐为耻。
今天与平时并没有什么两样，但我推开家门后，却发现大家的神色都很凝重，而且，安东尼奥也在，他往常只在月底或是节日时才过来的。
“亚佩迪多得了暗病，快不行了。”亚佩迪多是我那已失去音讯的姐姐，没想到事隔多年后，安东尼奥竟然会提起她。
原来，我那两个姐姐一直在镇上；原来，当年与“大蛇”一起被冲走的除了那头小牛，还有我的姐姐帕缇；原来，安东尼奥是亚佩迪多的恩客；原来，一直眷顾着我的是我那苦命的亚佩迪多……
“要成为一个怎样的人，最终还是取决于你自己。”
穷人的宿命2
by Juan Rulfo
原 著：胡安•鲁尔福
translated from the Spanish by Ilan Stavans
西译英：伊兰•史塔芬斯
英译中：依鹄
Everything’s going from bad to worse here. Last week Aunt Jacinta died, and on Saturday, after we buried her and the sadness began to fade away, it started raining like crazy. This upset my father since the entire barley harvest was drying in the sun shed. The downpour started suddenly, in great waves of water, giving us no time to stow even a handful; the only thing everyone who was at home at the time could do was to huddle under the shed and watch as the cold water fell from the sky and burned the yellow barley we had just harvested.
这里的一切越来越糟糕了。上周，雅辛塔阿姨去世了。周六那天，我们刚埋葬了她，悲痛的心情都还没来得及过去，雨便像疯了似地一直在下。父亲为此而心烦不已，因为我们全部的大麦收成此刻都堆在温室里晾晒。这场大雨来得很急，雨水滂沱而下，以致于我们连收一把大麦的时间都没有；家中各人现在能做的惟一一件事，便是蜷缩在棚屋里，眼睁睁地看着冰冷的雨水从天而降，把我们刚收下来黄澄澄的大麦打个粉碎。
And just yesterday, my sister Tacha’s twelfth birthday, we found out that the cow my father had given her for her saint’s day had been swept down the river.
昨天是我妹妹塔茶的12岁生日，就在这一天，我们发现她的母牛被河水卷走了。这头母牛，是父亲在她圣名日那天送给她的。2
The river started to rise three nights ago in the middle of the night. Even though I was fast asleep, the thunderous noise woke me up. I jumped to my feet with the covers still in my hand, as though I thought the roof was caving in. Then I fell asleep again, because I realized it was only the sound of the river and because the sound lulled me to sleep.
三天前的半夜里，河水已然开始上涨。那天我虽然睡得很沉，可还是让轰隆隆的响声给吵醒了。当时，我以为屋顶就要塌了，于是一手抓起衣服就从床上跳下来。但很快我便意识到，这不过是河水声，这声音听着听着就容易令人昏昏欲睡，于是后来我又睡着了。
When I got up, the morning sky was full of huge clouds and everything looked as if it had been raining nonstop. The noise from the river was louder than ever and had drawn closer. You could smell it the way you can smell a fire, the rotten smell of roiling water.
当我再次起来的时候，清晨的天空已是彤云密布，所有的迹象都表明，这场雨一直都没有停过。河流传来的响声比以往都要大，都要近。你甚至可以闻到一股焦臭的味道，其实这是浑浊河水的腐臭味。
By the time I went outside, the river had already spilled over its banks and was slowly approaching the main street. It was quickly making its way into the house of the woman people call La Tambora. You could hear water splashing as it ran into the corral and as it exited through the gate in wide rivulets. La Tambora was walking back and forth in what had by then become a part of the river, tossing her hens into the street so they could hide someplace where the current wouldn’t reach them.
我出门时，河水已经泛过了堤岸，而且正逐渐向镇上的大街漫去。很快，河水便涌进了一个名叫坦博拉的女人的房子。随着一阵哗哗的水声传来，河水涌进了畜栏，然后分成几道大水冲破了栅门。坦博拉在河水旁来回地跑，把养的母鸡都放到街上，以便它们可以躲起来，不被水流冲走，但她自己却因此而成了河水的一部分。
On the other side, by the bend, the river must have washed away, who knows when, the tamarind tree that had been in Aunt Jacinta’s sun shed, because there’s no tamarind tree there now. It was the only one in town, and that’s why people think that this is the highest the river has crested in years.
在另一边，河湾处，一定也被河水冲刷过，天知道是在什么时候发生的事，但以前在雅辛塔阿姨的温室里，是有一棵罗望子树的，可现在那里已经没有什么罗望子树了。这是镇上惟一的一棵罗望子，现在连它都没了，也难怪人们认为这是这么多年来所达到的最高水位。
My sister and I went back in the afternoon to see the cascade of water that is steadily growing thicker and darker and is already beyond the level where the bridge is supposed to be. We stayed there for hours and hours without getting bored with the whole thing. Later on we climbed up the ravine because we wanted to hear what people were saying, since down there, near the river, it’s so loud you can only see mouths opening and closing as if they want to say something; but you can’t hear a word. So we climbed up the ravine where people were looking at the river and assessing the damage. That’s where we found out that the river had taken La Serpentina away, my sister Tacha’s cow, because my father gave my sister the cow as a birthday present and it had one white ear and one red one and very beautiful eyes.
下午的时候，我和妹妹回头去看河水的情况，只见它不断地变得越来越深，越来越暗，甚至已经漫过了桥面。我们在那里呆了一个又一个小时，对身旁的一切一点也不觉得厌倦。后来，我们爬上了河边的山坡，因为我们想听听大家都在说些什么，在山坡下，河边那里，水声太大了，你只能看到嘴巴在一张一合，知道别人肯定是在说着些什么；但一个字你也别想听到。因此，我们爬上了河边的山坡，那是大家观察河流和估算损失的地方。就在那里，我们发现河水把“大蛇”冲走了，那是我妹妹塔茶的母牛，是父亲送给她的生日礼物，它长着一只白耳朵一只红耳朵，还有一双美丽的眼睛。
I don’t quite know why La Serpentina decided to cross that river when she knew quite well that it wasn’t the same river she was used to every day. La Serpentina wasn’t that dumb. To let herself be killed like that she had to be sleepwalking. Most of the time it was up to me to wake her when I opened the corral door to let her out. If not, she might have spent the entire day there with her eyes closed, very still and sighing, the way cows sigh when they’re asleep.
我不是很明白，为什么“大蛇”要过河，她明明知道这条河跟她平时过的那条是不一样的。“大蛇”不该笨成这样的呀。竟然笨到做出这种自杀般的行为，惟一的解释就是她在梦游。平时，多半都是由我叫醒她，由我打开牛栏的门放她出去的。要是我没这样做的话，她就会一整天都呆在里面，闭着眼睛，一动也不动地打着鼻响，母牛睡觉时总是会打鼻响的。
Something must have happened that kept her asleep. Maybe it happened that she woke up when she felt the heaviness of the water lapping at her flanks. Maybe that frightened her and she tried to go back, but when she turned around she was stuck and unable to move in that hard, black, mucky water. Maybe she roared asking for help. She roared like only God knows.
一定是出了什么事，以致于她一直睡着。可能她醒来时，发现大水已经漫到了自己的腰间。可能这吓坏了她，她也已打算往回走，但当她转身的时候，却被缠住了，在这条湍急、幽暗、泥泞的河流里无法动弹了。可能她也曾大声咆哮呼救过。可惜只有上帝听到了她的咆哮。
I asked a man who saw the cow being dragged downstream if he hadn’t seen the calf that was with her. But the man said he didn’t know if he had seen that. All he said was that the spotted cow went by with her legs in the air very close to where he was and that then she flipped over and you couldn’t see the horns or the legs or any sign of the cow at all. There were plenty of tree trunks floating on the river, with their roots, and he was very busy trying to gather firewood, so he wasn’t able to see if it was animals or tree trunks being carried away.
我找到那个看见母牛被冲到下游的人，问他是否有看见一条小牛跟在母牛的身后。但那人说，他不确定是否有看到小牛。他说来说去，都是说那头满身泥泞的母牛四蹄朝天般在离他很近的地方冲过，接着在水里打了一个滚，然后就连角、连蹄、连母牛身上的任何一块都完全看不到了。此外，河面上还漂着大量的树干，都是连根拔起的。而他又忙于拾柴，所以没留意有没有动物或树干被冲走。
So we don’t know if the calf is alive or if he followed his mother down the river. If he went with her, God help them both.
因此，我们不知道小牛现在究竟是活着，还是跟着他妈妈游到了河里。要是他跟着自己妈妈的话，但愿上帝可以保佑他俩。
The problem at home is what is going to happen now that my sister Tacha is left with nothing. It took a lot for my father to get La Serpentina in the first place, from the time she was a calf, so my sister could have a bit of capital and wouldn’t run away to become a whore the way my two older sisters had.
家里现在的问题在于接下来会发生什么事，毕竟我妹妹塔茶已经一无所有了。当年，“大蛇”还只是一头小牛，买她成了父亲的第一要务，为此，父亲付出了很多。毕竟有了她，我妹妹也算是有了一点本钱，就不用跑到外面，像我那两个姐姐那样去当妓女了。
The way my father tells it, they both took the wrong road because our family was so poor and incorrigible. They sassed him from the time they were little. And as soon as they grew up, they started hanging out with the worst sort of men who taught them all types of awful things. They learned quickly and understood a man’s whistling at all hours of the night. They would stay out till dawn. Sometimes when they were supposed to fetch water from the river, instead all of sudden they were right there in the corral, writhing on the floor, naked, each of them with a man on top of her.
根据父亲所言，我那两个姐姐之所以走错了路，都是怪我们家太穷，穷到无法翻身的缘故。她们自小就顶撞父亲。长大后，更是开始与一些坏到透的男人鬼混，而这些男人亦教会了她们各式各样的恶习。她们很快便学坏了，一到晚上就无时无刻地在等男人吹口哨打暗号。后来，她们干脆夜不归宿。有时，大家以为她们去河边打水，但没料到她们却留在畜栏里。她们赤身裸体，在地上扭来扭去，两人的身上，都分别骑着一个男人。
Finally my father threw them out. He had stood as much as he could and when he couldn’t take it anymore he showed them the door. They left for Ayutla or I don’t know where, and now they are whores.
最后，父亲把她们逐出了家门。父亲已经尽可能忍受她们的所作所为，但终于还是忍无可忍，他还是赶了她们出门。我不知道她们在离开家后究竟是去了阿尤特拉还是去了别的地方；我只知道，她们现在当了妓女。
That’s why my father is terrified that Tacha will end up like her two sisters, that she may feel the poverty of not having the cow and realize she no longer has anything to support her while she’s still growing up and can still marry a decent man who will love her always. That’s going to be difficult now. When she had the cow it was different. There surely would be someone with the spunk to marry her, if only to have that very beautiful cow.
父亲害怕塔茶会跟她两个姐姐那样走上同一条不归路，害怕有一天她会感受到失去母牛所带来的穷窘；害怕有一天她会意识到现在已经没有什么本钱可以让她长大后嫁个体面并且永远爱她的男人。现在，她的前路已是满布荆棘。要是她的母牛还在的话，那一切都会变得不一样。到时候肯定会有人鼓起勇气来娶她的，前提是那头美丽得很的母牛还在。
Our only hope is that the calf is still alive. Perhaps he didn’t think of crossing the river behind his mother. Because if he did, my sister Tacha is just this far away from becoming a whore. And mother doesn’t want that.
我们惟一的希望就是小牛仍然还活着。兴许他并没有打算跟在自己的妈妈后面游过河去。因为要是他这样做了的话，我妹妹塔茶也许就会因此而沦落风尘。而我母亲并不希望发生这样的事。
My mother doesn’t know why God has punished her by giving her such daughters, since in her family, from my grandmother on, there have never been bad people. Everybody was raised with the fear of God, and very obedient, and didn’t offend anyone. Everyone was that way. Who knows where her two daughters learned such bad behavior? She can’t figure it out. She wracks her brain and it isn’t clear where she went wrong or what sin she committed to have given birth to one bad daughter after another. She can’t figure it out. And every time she thinks of them, she weeps and says: “God help them.”
母亲不明白，为什么上帝要让这些女儿来折磨她，在她的家族里，打从我所知道的外祖母算起，从来就没出过一个坏人。家里的每个人都对上帝心存敬畏，事事遵从，也从不与他人结怨。每个人都是这样。天知道她的两个女儿怎么就染上这等恶习了呢？她想不通。她想破了脑袋也想不明白，究竟自己做错了什么，作了什么孽，让她接二连三地生出一个个不争气的女儿来。她想不通。每次想起她们时，母亲都会哭着叨念道：“愿上帝保佑她们。”
My father says there’s nothing to be done at this point. The one at risk is the daughter who is still here, Tacha, who keeps on growing and growing and whose breasts are already beginning to show, and which promise to be like her sisters’: pointy and high and pert and attention-getting.
而父亲则认为，过去的事已经没有挽回的余地。现在惟一需要担心的，是还在身边的女儿，塔茶。她现在正一天天地发育，胸部的曲线越来越明显，将来一定会像她那两个姐姐的一样：挺拔、火辣而引人注目。
“Yes,” he says, “they’ll stare at her wherever she goes. It will all end badly; I can already see it will all end badly.”
“肯定会这样，”他说，“无论她走到哪里，都会有男人盯着她的。不会有好结果的；我现在已经可以想像得出不会有好结果的。”
That’s why my father is terrified.
这就是我父亲所担心的事。
Tacha cries when she thinks her cow won’t come back because the river has killed it. She’s right here at my side, in her pink dress, looking at the river from the top of the ravine, unable to stop crying. Streams of dirty water run down her face, as if the river were inside her.
塔茶哭了，因为她知道自己的母牛再也不会回到身边来了，它已经死在河里了。她穿着那身粉红色的衣服，此刻就在我身旁，就在岸边山坡的最高处，望着河流，哭个不停。一道道浑浊的泪水从她脸上淌下，仿佛她的眼睛里也有这样的一条河。
I put my arms around her, trying to comfort her, but she doesn’t understand. She cries even more. A sound similar to the one sweeping along the riverbanks emerges from her lips, making her shiver, and she trembles all over. The crest rises. the rotten smell from below speckles Tacha’s wet face. Her two little breasts bob up and down, continually, as if they had suddenly begun to swell, bringing her ever closer to perdition.
我用双臂搂住她，想安抚一下她，可她还是那般难过。她哭得更凶了。一道呜咽的声音从她嘴里传了出来，听起来就像席卷两岸的风声一般。正是这种风声，使她颤个不停，令她浑身上下不寒而栗。一个浪涌过来，带有腐臭的河水溅到塔茶满是泪水的脸上，留下了一个个泥斑。只见她那对小淑乳一起一伏，抽咽不停，仿佛一下子丰满了起来，成了一对将她进一步带往沉沦之路的豪乳。
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